Abortions are very common in Canada. Statistics highlight that around 100,000 Canadian women go through the procedure each year. However, it’s important to recognize that an abortion is not just a procedure, it’s a process. Here are some considerations for you and what you need to know about common experiences for women after an abortion…
Emotional Well-Being:
It’s important to honour yourself and recognize that your experience is going to be unique because you have your own story. There is no right way to feel. Some women feel relief, some feel angry, and most will feel a sense of sadness due to the circumstances and the hormonal shifts that your body is experiencing. Some women will experience emotional ups and downs.
It’s not uncommon for women to push through without speaking about their experience, as shame and secrecy often go hand-in-hand, and not too many women go around announcing their abortion, as it is still a stigmatized issue.
Physical Well-Being:
After an abortion, your body must readjust (especially hormonally). Some clinics will offer sedation and others will put the woman to sleep. It’s important to recognize that the human body is prone to remembering medical procedures, as it is unable to move instinctually (due to sedation) and these memories are held in the body, which can later lead to a client expressing a sensation in their belly that needs to be processed. Different counselling and psychotherapeutic techniques are excellent to help clients resolve these issues, as the body will learn that the procedure is over when sessions complete.
Lots of women get an abortion and experience physical discomfort afterwards, such as cramping, and can manage after some rest and recuperation, as their body heals well. Some women however, do not experience such an easy transition post-abortion, as with any procedure, your body can have a hard time readjusting. Sometimes, the outcome of a difficult post-abortion experience can be painful and some women do experience some trauma.
So, do women need counselling after an abortion?
The answer to this question is personal choice. While some women are relieved and ready to move on, others experience a vast array of emotions. The following are considerations to take into account when contemplating counselling post-abortion:
Secrecy vs Support:
Ever heard the saying “secrets keep us sick?” It’s not far from the truth. Consider your boundaries. Some women are very open, some choose close friends or family to speak to, and others choose to keep their experience a secret.
Speaking to a support system of your choosing will help you in two ways. The first, shedding any sense of shame and/or stigma related to abortions. Speak openly for yourself. Own your experience and let others support you in your emotions, whatever they may be. The more open you can let yourself be, the better for processing purposes (unless you feel traumatized, in which case counselling is highly recommended).
Remember that you are not alone in the process. This can be hard for a lot of women to keep in mind in grief. Sometimes, sharing with others will inspire other women to share their experiences with you. Learning and speaking about your own experiences and listening to other women’s experiences can be very powerful and/or empowering for both parties.
A tip for any women who feel isolated, there are in-person and online support groups for women who want to meet others who have also had abortions. Remember that you are never alone.
Some women, prefer not to speak about their abortion openly to friends or family due to their own boundaries or circumstances around the pregnancy or abortion itself. If you feel that this is an issue that you need to process in some way (emotionally, physically, or both), this is when counselling is recommended. Counselling is also recommended for women who have been open but feel that they need more support or forward movement. If your abortion was a traumatizing experience, reaching out to a mental-health professional is also greatly encouraged.
How Does Post-Abortion Counselling Help?
Counsellors or Psychotherapists can help in the
following ways:
Holding Space
A good counsellor or therapist will be present with you in your emotions and help you to move through them in an effective way. In your session, counsellors and therapists are there to provide you with unconditional positive regard, presence, and empathy. A counsellor will not judge you, your circumstances, your emotional state, or your physical state.
Process & Provide Tools For Depression
Some women experience some depression after an abortion. Getting professional help for depression will give you tools to move forward and regain your sense of self.
Process & Provide Tools For Anger
Anger is not uncommon. It is also a stage of grief. Depending on your experience, a counsellor or therapist can help you to work through your anger in a productive manner. Some women express that they are more reactive or taking their anger out on others. This is not uncommon, and can be discussed and processed openly.
Helping you Recognize & Understand Your Beliefs and
Thought Processes:
The way that you think is important to consider. Beliefs drive thinking patterns that are often so embedded that they become automatic. For some, abortions can reinforce negative, or unproductive, beliefs that you have about yourself. Abortions can also create new core beliefs that can hinder your personal growth.
Counsellors are effective at helping you identify core beliefs that are more harmful than helpful, and work with you to renegotiate these beliefs until they are productive and genuine. Altering core beliefs also changes how you think, feel, and behave. This can be very productive work after an abortion.
Engage In Trauma Work
For some, abortions can be traumatizing. Seek help from a counsellor or psychotherapist who can help you to resolve the trauma (emotional, mental, and/or physical). Look for a counsellor who specializes in trauma so that you get the most effective help possible.
Support Your Self-Care
Counselling can also just be plain self-care for you. Just as a bath or a sport can help you to feel more grounded, so can the counselling process.
After an abortion, regardless of your experience, self-care is especially necessary to allow you to ground and gain some clarity.
Find Balance In Your Relationship:
If you’re struggling in relationship after an abortion, individual or couples counselling can be a very effective process to help you move forward in a healthy manner. Respect and mutual understanding can be fostered and communication tools are helpful in working through your relationship dynamics after your abortion.
Is counselling necessary after an abortion?
The short answer is that it’s not necessary if you aren’t ready however, it won’t hurt you and can sometimes help you to recognize your power, resilience and will certainly help you if you’re struggling or feeling traumatized.
If you are struggling to find your footing or understand your experience after an abortion (and this can be soon after or years after) counselling is recommended to help you process and acknowledge your experiences. Move forward with a productive perspective about yourself. Honour your experience, body and emotions, in a way that makes sense for you.