Many couples seek counselling after something negative occurs within the relationship such as infidelity. Typically, it’s recommended that couples attend counselling before potentially irreparable issues occur within the relationship. But counselling to repair relationships can still be effective.
After cheating occurs, trust is broken. There is an understanding that the relationship between two people is bound between those two individuals alone. Trust is a major foundation of a happy and long-lasting relationship and once it’s been breached it’s difficult, but not impossible, to gain that back. Some may want to end the relationship, others need time to process what has occurred, and some will seek couples counselling after infidelity.
Does Couples Counselling Work for Cheating?
Every couple’s circumstances are unique because they all present different struggles. Cheating can be physical or emotional and what each partner wants as a result of counselling can also vary. Relationships are hard, and it takes time, energy, effort, and intention to work through difficult problems. If you and your partner have committed to sticking together and mending things there is a lot of work that must be done to get to a place to move forward.
It’s important to recognize that couples counselling after cheating will be incredibly challenging for both the person who cheated and the person who was cheated on. There is a lot of work that must be done in and out of counselling. But not all hope is lost. While couples counselling after cheating is hard, this does not mean that couples cannot work through and recover from one partner or both partners cheating. It can also mean healing for both parties where the betrayed forgives the betrayer to move forward together or apart depending on your desired results or discoveries through counselling.
What will happen in the sessions?
Every couple has its unique circumstances. The counsellor will want to offer space for each individual to share their emotions and feel heard and validated.
Rest assured that counselling is not a place to verbally abuse the person who cheated. Counselling will be a place to share emotions and be solutions-oriented. The objective is to provide healing for the infidelity in a marriage or a relationship. This requires both partners to show up for each other and put the work in.
What will happen outside of the sessions?
The person who was cheated on may suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and begin to question the person who cheated more frequently because they are feeling triggered. This may look like the betrayer saying that they are leaving to go out with friends and are not believed even if it is the truth. Framing it as PTSD allows the person who cheated to better understand their partner’s reaction. While the betrayer may feel guilty for their actions, they want to move forward and not think of the past. Their partner carries that PTSD with them and requires a patient response when they are experiencing these triggers.
Is couples counselling worth it?
It certainly can be and in a previous post, I’ve listed reasons for counselling. At the very core of it all, only you and your partner will be able to answer the question of whether couples counselling is worth pursuing. This will not be a walk in the park. This is hard work and requires a lot of emotional labour which can be exhausting but it is worth investing your time and effort into.
Aside from infidelity, there are so many positive outcomes from couples counselling in general such as:
Improve communication with a focus on active listening
Provide opportunities for reconciliation and taking accountability
Allows you to gain input from an unbiased professional with your best interest at heart
Equipping couples with the tools, techniques, and strategies to navigate challenging situations in the absence of a counsellor
Provides an opportunity for each partner to show empathy for their experience dealing with infidelity.
Self Reflection
When contemplating whether couples counselling after infidelity is worth it, try asking yourself these questions:
Is my relationship worth fighting for? Do I love your partner and want to see my relationship succeed? Do I have the emotional capacity to take on this journey? Can I forgive? What is best for me and my children’s long term happiness? That is of course if you share children with your partner.
If you’re not too sure what the next steps are for your relationship or are ready to heal together couples counselling can support you in making the right choice for you, your partner, and any children involved. Feel free to reach out for a free consultation on relationship therapy Sana offers.
