If you're getting serious with your partner and envision a forever together, discussing your future is important. You may be sure about caring deeply, enjoying each other's company, and looking forward to the future. But, are you aligned on the aspects it takes to build a secure, and loving long life together?
What Is Premarital Counselling?
Premarital counselling is a specialized form of therapy or couples counselling designed to assist couples in preparing for a long, healthy, lifetime together. Premarital counselling is suggested for all couples before their wedding day, not just couples who feel that they are struggling. The idea is to make sure you’re both on the same page before saying “I do”.
How Long Is Premarital Counselling?
The number and length of premarital counselling sessions can vary based on the needs of the couple and the approach of the therapist. Some couples may benefit from just a few sessions, while others may choose more extensive counselling depending on their specific circumstances.
What Happens in Premarital Counselling?
Premarital counselling typically involves a series of sessions in which couples work with a trained therapist to explore and discuss various aspects of their relationship before marriage.
These are the main topics that are discussed during pre-marriage counselling sessions.
Communication
Communicating is difficult for some individuals. Understanding how to communicate your needs effectively is important. Furthermore, understanding how your partner communicates with you is necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship. Without healthy communication, most relationships are unsuccessful. Learning about yourself and your partner, coupled with acquiring effective communication tools, will assist you both in maintaining a healthy partnership.
Anger is also an important emotion to identify in relationships. Anger will show up and healthily managing your anger is crucial to maintain safety and a sense of openness in your relationship. Exploring the different types of anger and learning healthy tools to work with it is often considered in premarital counselling.
Beliefs and Values
Beliefs and values are essential foundations of a person and how you think, feel and behave. Considering each individual’s core values and beliefs is an important aspect of premarital counselling. Furthermore, life is going to present surprises, and understanding each other's value systems, emotional dynamics, and cognitive approaches will help both of you support each other as a team.
Finances
Finances can put massive stress on marriages. Premarital counselling offers you and your partner the space to discuss money. A regulated discussion around financial values, debt, spending habits, money management, preference regarding joint or separate bank accounts, income, etc. is imperative to consider before marriage.
Financial surprises or disagreements lead to massive issues within a marriage. Learning to evaluate these issues as a team and communicate openly about finances is a valuable tool to take with you into your life together.
Family of Origin
Managing one family is often complicated. Merging two can be even more complex. Working together to establish boundaries around your relationship is very important in ensuring that you feel like a team. Premarital counselling is a great way to establish how you want to approach each partner’s family of origin with respect, while also ensuring that the approach being taken works for your partnership.
Creating Your Own Family
Premarital counselling helps each individual think through their wishes regarding having children. This can be a contentious topic for some couples, a grey area for other couples, and for some, a clear and easy choice. Premarital counselling offers the space to be open about the issues that some couples avoid discussing, or for couples who don’t know how to bring up some of the more difficult conversations.
Affection and Sex
Premarital counselling is a great space to discuss how each partner shows affection in the relationship. It also works to highlight hopes around sustaining a healthy sex life when your daily routine gets busy or stressful. Sex is considered an important part of a marriage, as this is something that is traditionally an act of love shared with only one another.
Sex can also be one of the reasons that couples experience marital issues, as it’s related to far more than just the physicality of intimacy. Therapy is a wonderful place to discuss sexual or emotional habits, emotional barriers to physical intimacy, sexual desires and hopes, and how to maintain the affection and sexual intimacy that works for your relationship.
Quality Time
Life is busy. Understanding one another’s needs and your relationship needs in terms of quality time together is also considered in premarital counselling. A marriage that lacks quality time can lead to living as roommates and a sense of disconnection.
Roles and Expectations
Times have changed. Various types of partnerships exist, and societal expectations regarding the roles of individuals in relationships have changed. Discussing this openly is important to ensure that you will both be satisfied moving forward. These roles are not written in stone, as people shift, grow and change in their relationship. However, entering marriage with an idea of what each of you would prefer is a great starting point.
Premarital Counselling at Sana
These are just some of the topics couples should consider before tying the knot. It may feel a bit strange or scary at first but know that couples therapy before marriage can be a very enjoyable experience that further bonds you and your partner. It is helpful to have a third party who is advocating for both of you with a completely unbiased opinion.
If this resonates with you and you have any questions or concerns about Sana's relationship counselling services in Vancouver, please feel free to get in touch.