There are many qualities a person may consider before sitting down to talk to a therapist about their experiences. Let’s face it, therapy is costly and not knowing where to start is overwhelming for some. When selecting a therapist it should be intentional. Choosing a therapist that is aligned with what you’d like to accomplish in therapy and who can support your needs will help you feel more at ease. The result you want is to feel comfortable in opening up to your therapist and cultivating a good working relationship.
Many people wonder whether choosing a male or female therapist is better for their development. This is especially true if the nature of the topics are related to sexuality, gender identity or sexual orientation. So when selecting a therapist you may want to ask yourself - why is the therapist's gender important to you and will that play a role in your development?
Reasons why gender preference matters to people when it comes to therapy.
For some, it may be easier to open up to an individual of the same gender. This is for many reasons but women, for example, sometimes have an easier time talking to female therapists because they feel validated in their shared experience. Something a male cannot empathize with. Men can certainly sympathize with the female experience but they will never fully be able to understand what it is like to be a woman.
Cultural or religious beliefs may also influence some individuals' decision about the gender of their therapist. For example in Islam, a male and female cannot be in the same room together alone unless there is a chaperone to ensure all activity is appropriate. This isn’t to say Muslim men and women don’t interact with one another but some prefer not to or are just more comfortable interacting with the same gender especially in a one on one setting.
Like gender, it may also be important for your therapist to also understand you culturally and religiously if that is something that is important to you. This provides a safe space to be vulnerable and honest but also saves you the trouble of having to explain certain situations that are already understood by someone who has lived the same experience as you. This way you can focus on strategies and focus less on explaining yourself.
Trauma, sexual assault, and sexual identity
Trauma is always a sensitive subject and should always be treated gently. If you are someone that has experienced sexual abuse you may be triggered by a therapist that shares a gender with your abuser. For example, a female who has experienced domestic violence from a male partner may prefer speaking with a female therapist. This will help her to avoid any additional emotional stress responses or triggers that sometimes come to light and avoid further trauma or stress.
Individuals may also have an easier time building trust with their therapist if they know they have undergone similar experiences.
When dealing with gender identity and LGBTQ+ issues, an individual may find it easier to speak with a therapist that has had to face some of the same questions or experiences in their own lives. Approaching a counsellor who has transitioned or identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community can help an individual feel more comfortable, valid, and understood, and may feel like their counsellor can genuinely understand their journey.
It is my own journey with epilepsy that encouraged me to support others on a similar journey. I am now able to help those who also suffer from the daily stresses of the condition. My first-hand experience with epilepsy gives me the advantage to help others with the same condition because I recognize behaviours, lifestyle choices, and emotional triggers that help me better guide and support my clients.
What else do I need to look for in a therapist?
You should always feel like your counsellor cultivates a non-judgemental and safe place where you can be vulnerable.
There is a long list of things you can consider when questioning if a therapist is right for you. This list can include everything from life experience, ethnic background, religion, areas of specialization, and gender, and question how these factors will play a role in your journey.
This is a process that should be both easy and hard. Sure there will be tears but there will also be laughs.
This makes the process much easier for both the patient and counsellor in creating a nurturing and comfortable environment to share and overcome stigma and guide individuals through the healing process in a way that is supportive and non-judgemental of their journey.
It’s a feeling of mutual understanding, connection and trust.
Some questions you can ask yourself when considering a therapist:
Is this person easy to talk to?
Do you have mutual respect and understanding?
Do you feel comfortable sharing?
What is their expertise?
Do they share similar backgrounds, experiences, and values?
Can they help me achieve my goal of addressing what I want to address in therap
Often, when you get in touch with an intake line, they will enquire about your preferences and will work to accommodate your request. There is a possibility that your session may be delayed if a therapist of your preferred gender is not available - in which case you have the option to seek counselling elsewhere or wait for availability.
It may take some extra time and effort to find someone easy to talk to, but doing so will ensure you are making the most of your sessions.
When the communication between a patient and therapist is free-flowing and easy, sharing your thoughts and feelings becomes second nature and makes the road to recovery an easy one.
Final thoughts
Regardless of how you approach your selection, counselling can be a tremendous help when facing uncertainty in your life. Here at Sana Counselling we approach this with compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We offer both online and in-person counselling options. If you would like to explore the option of counselling, we offer a free consultation to assess your needs.
Do not hesitate to reach out to us to see what works best for you. Book a consultation with us when you’re ready.